It’s been the Summer of Dunce, but it’s finally over. I mean, I knew this country was 75% Deliverance Boy but ye gods after this summer I feel like there are eight sensate Americans left and seven of them are sterile.

Speaking of idiocracy, I freely admit that making fun of the “advice” found on such unpaid-intern-produced sites as Lifehacker is only slightly North of shooting fish in a barrel, but when these clueless naifs who don’t even bother to shave more than once a month in the first place claim any kind of expertise in the Manly Ablutive Arts, it’s time to load the flintlock for carp.

Let’s see…shakycam, check. Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel accent, check. Wiping a razor on your jeans to get more shaves out of each cartridge? Check and checkmate, Jonas Salk. Young Master Robinson, your corn liquor wisdom is only exceeded by the tidal wave of drool in the comments section.

Like the man says, it’s your democracy, America. Cherish it.